It’s been a little of a tough time getting my head straight at a time of mega manipulation.
When someone constantly blames others, is interested in cheating dynamics, makes propositions outside your values and challenges you trust, directly or indirectly, despite how much you think you care about them, don’t you need to care more about yourself?
If someone tells you it’s exciting to see others cheat, aren’t they laying the path to their own destiny?
If someone has abused and manipulated before, if they are stuck in the same low vibration, wasn’t it inevitable they would drag themselves through the mud again?
The toughest part of it is that you can see it from the start, and through breadcrumbing, you think it is not as bad, in fact you fool yourself to believe it may even be getting better.
My life experiences taught me one thing.
You know your gut instinct. Give as much as your soul can, keep your wits doing so and observe. If not much changes, and all you get is small words and smaller actions, you got your answer.
Love yourself and find someone who loves you as much.
So you know how things go. You are flowing by with studies, work, friendships, relationships when something new gets introduced to your routine. It starts as an off beat recommendation, and whilst you’re not doing anything else that’s specifically central or significant in your life, you join in on the flow of this new thing in life.
Then weeks go by and despite hesitations because of other well established patterns in your life, you find yourself making more space for this new thing. Then you need to sense check, so you pull away, dismiss it, and there it goes it pops up again seeking your attention.
So you start thinking, what to do. Time invested means previous patterns are being challenged, smoked out, and you’re still unsure if it’s a fluke or will stick around for a while. And then more time goes by and it is still there. Sometimes it feels annoying, tiring, unbalanced, but you realise like with most things settling into a new job, relationship, friendship, hobby is an ongoing process of exploration.
And then the penny drops; your commitment to keep exploring is the juice of life, and as long as you don’t get stuck in a tunnel vision, the scheme of things will keep on evolving and merging with who you’ve become.
2018 has been a painful year, even though new knowledge is still teaching me how to better understand and manage.
In memory of 2018, I am sharing the most beautiful shots I took this year.